Harry Lockhart and the Story of his Life
by skarm
Summary: Harry begins to take his NEWTs at the end of his seventh year, but it appears that he has spent just a little too much time with Gilderoy Lockhart for it to be a good thing. COMPLETE. One Shot.


Harry Lockhart: A History

A/N: This is the brain child of LunarExcalibur and I thinking about what it would be like if Harry tried to be like Lockhart, however the twist is it's pretty hard to act arrogant given the number of accomplishment he actually has done.

I also do not own Harry Potter in anyway. These characters belong to JKR and I'm just playing around with them for fun. There is no profit being made and no copyright infringmentis intended.

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The Great Hall was once again a bustle of activity. The Seventh years were nearly through their NEWT examinations and were currently taking their practical Defense Against the Dark Arts exam. 

Harry Potter, the Boy who Lived and Hero of the Wizarding World, headed towards the long staff table that had a bunch of certified school board examiners. His hair was meticulously groomed and cared for now instead of the old unruly style he used to have. He smiled broadly around the room and waved to those he knew. His robes, a beautiful lilac color, sparkled as he walked the length of the great hall up to his appointed examiner.

"I'm delighted to see you again, Mr. Potter," greeted Professor Tofty jovially as the boy sat down with a bright smile, showing off his perfectly white teeth, "It seems like just yesterday you were taking you OWLs."

Harry nodded and continued to smile, "Oh, I've had many more adventures since then," he replied.

Professor Tofty nodded his head and gave the boy a small smile in return. "Well Mr. Potter, let's begin. Perhaps you'd like to show me Leg-Locker curse?"

The youth flashed a broad smile as stood up. "You know, this reminds me of the time in my first year where this exact hex would have been most useful," Harry said as he looked up, in thought, and brushed some of his unruly hair out of his face. "When I was attacked by Professor Quirrell while I was trying to retrieve the Philosopher's Stone he was a most difficult opponent. You see at the time I was only eleven and not so widely experienced, but if I had been able to cast the correct Leg-Locker curse I could perform now, he would have been a far easier opponent."

Professor Tofty was momentarily stunned. "Erm as interesting as that is Mr. Potter…" the professor began, but was cut off as the Gryffindor continued his story.

"Now the whole ordeal trying to save the Philosopher's Stone is one of my most favorite adventures. Of course I did have the smallest bit of help from my friends, but mainly my great knowledge and determination got me through it," Harry continued as if speaking to an audience. "Thankfully I figured out a way to get the information I needed out of Hagrid to solve the puzzle and then proceeded to persuade my loyal companions that it was the time for action. Had I not succeeded to convince Ron and Hermione that action was needed, who knows what the world would be like today," he finished with a grin.

By now some of the others in the Great Hall, professors and students a like, had stopped what they were doing and had turned to listen to Harry's story.

Sensing he had an audience, Harry flashed the crowd a bright smile and began pacing with his lilac robes shimmering in the light. "After taming the first guardian of the Stone, a large and ferocious three-headed dog named Fluffy, we promptly fell into a large trap of deadly Devil's Snare. While I was risking my life trying to save brave Ronald, I suggested to Hermione a quick and easy way to counter the plant. Luckily she heeded my advice promptly and we were free." He looked around the Great Hall and saw that he had caught the attention of nearly everyone now, including Professor Tofty.

"Mr. Potter?" Tofty asked hesitantly, "We don't really have too much time here and we have a full exam to get through…" he trailed off as the boy began to speak yet again.

"The next challenge we came upon was a room of keys that were charmed most excellently by our very own Professor Flitwick. They were flying most skillfully and the only way to capture the correct key was to ride a broomstick up and do it. Of course I was the youngest player to get on a Hogwarts House team for Quidditch in around one hundred years, and then on top of that I'm frequently hailed as the best Seeker in the history of the game. Naturally, due to this, I was able to snag the correct key in a record amount of time to allow us to proceed." He took a breath and saw all the eyes on him. Professor Tofty had also stopped trying to interrupt him.

"Of course, in the next chamber there was a giant chess set. If I had the knowledge I have now back in those days, I would have simply walked across the board and undone all of spells, but I had to rely on Ronald's skills. I must say, though he is a great strategist, I was worried that we wouldn't make it in time. In the end I was able to Check-Mate the enemy King and proceed." Harry took another breath and continued his tale, "In the next hall we encountered a mountain troll that had apparently been knocked out by Professor Quirrell earlier. It was lucky for that troll, however, because earlier on in the year I had successfully defeated another troll in a very simple way. Had this one been in any condition to fight, I surely would have been even harsher since time was of the essence," the boy finished dramatically as he heard a couple of gasps coming from his assembled audience.

"Please… Mr. Potter…" interrupted Professor Tofty, though his voice was as quiet as a whisper. "We really need to get on with this examination and all you have to do is perform the Leg-Locker curse."

Harry wasn't paying the elderly professor any mind though as he continued on with his tale. "In the next room there was a very cunning puzzle set up by dear Professor Snape. I quickly solved the puzzle and had Hermione confirm it so that there would be no mistakes. I sent her back to fetch Dumbledore, but had this situation happened now there would be no need for it, and went ahead to face Professor Quirrell myself. I found that he could not bare the touch of my skin due to my dear mother's sacrifice and easily defeated him despite the fact that he was possessed by the powerful Lord Voldemort. That, ladies and gentlemen, is how I managed to save the Philosopher's Stone at the age of eleven." He conjured himself a small glass of water and took a drink as his mouth was quite dry by now.

Professor Tofty took this opportunity to once again spring his question. "Mr. Potter, can you please perform the Leg-Locker Curse? If not, I shall have to give you a score of zero on this question," he said wearily.

As he finished his drink, Harry flashed his gleaming smile again. "Ah of course," he said as he aimed his wand at the nearest person. "_Locomotor mortis_," he said simply, hitting Neville with the Leg-Locker Curse. Neville struggled to move his feet, but failed until Harry removed the spell.

"Excellent Mr. Potter, thank you," commented Tofty dully as he made note of it on the parchment in front of him. "Next I will need to see you perform the strongest shield charm you can think of."

Harry chuckled, "Well, I wish I had known the shield charm when I was an infant."

The audience gasped collectively. No one besides Ron, Hermione and Ginny had ever heard him talk about his life as a child.

"Thanks to my dear mother I was spared Voldemort's wrath and became the only person, ever, to survive the Killing Curse, Avada Kedavra," Harry finished as he glanced over his audience again and seeing them hanging on his every word.

"Had I been able to produce a shield even half as powerful as I can now, I can safely say that both my parents would still be alive and I would have never grown up with my muggle Aunt and Uncle. Because of this, my childhood was rather abusive and depressing, but don't despair. This tough upbringing made me the brilliant man I am today!" Harry finished triumphantly as he flashed his charming smile at the crowd. Several girls blushed, giggled and even fainted as they saw him smile yet again.

"He is _so_ dreamy!" Lavender said in a whisper to Parvati as a bright red blush spread over her face.

Parvati nodded, giggling, "What I wouldn't give to spend some time with him!"

Parvati's twin, Padma, leaned over towards the other two girls, "In _Witch Weekly_ he's won the most charming smile award 6 times in a row and has been atop the most eligible bachelor list for over a year!"

Harry flashed a second smile directly at the three girls, having overheard them. "Now now, there's plenty of me to go around," he said, handing them autographed photos.

The three girls erupted into huge blushes and fits of uncontrollable giggles while others looked envious.

"And you got to go the Yule Ball with him," Lavender pointed out in a barely audible whisper.

Parvati blushed deeper, if it was possible, and nodded while hugging the photo Harry had given her tightly to her chest. "Someday Harry, someday…" she went off dreamily.

Professor Tofty took this second momentary stop in Harry's speech to push his way past Parvati who was dreaming too vividly what she'd like to do with Harry to notice. "Mr. Potter, would you _please_ show me your shield charm. We really must get on with this examination." Tofty indicated a fragile looking vase on the examination table. "Cast your shield around that, please."

Harry nodded, "_Protego maxima_," he said charismatically as waved his wand wildly, creating an invisible barrier. "Go ahead, my dear Professor! Try and best that shield!"

The elderly professor nodded as he sent a few choice hexes and curses at the shield, which upon impact caused the shield to glow a spectacular mixture of colors that would normally be seen on a rainbow. The crowd gave off "Ooohs" and "Awwws" at the display.

"Now," Harry began gesturing to the colorful barrier, from which the colors had now faded, "If you are to be protected, you may as well be protected by pretty colors," he finished, once again flashing the crowd with this charismatic broad grin. The audience erupted in applause.

Harry dispelled the shield and with the wave of his wand transformed the vase into a white rose, which he summoned to him and handed to Lavender, who blushed wildly before leaning back on the Patil twins for support as she felt faint.

The three girls giggled madly and continued to swoon over Harry, who was happy to give them yet another smile as Lavender placed the flower in her hair, glowing with happiness.

Professor Tofty scribbled the result on his parchment again before looking back up at the boy, who was still smiling jovially at the crowd. "Alright, excellent work with the shield charm, Mr. Potter. Now we'll have to test you on the Unforgivable Curses. While these will be theory questions, they are considered practical because you must think of the correct counter as fast as you can, rather than sitting down thinking about the best counter during your written final. One must think on their feet to combat the Unforgivables, after all," Tofty wheezed.

"Ah yes, the Unforgivable Curses. I regret that I've seen them far too much, but such was my life," Harry replied, giving a sad sort of smile. The crowd gave him sympathetic looks.

"Right, right," Tofty began, hoping to avoid him telling another long winded story right off the bat. "First, Mr. Potter, how would you counter the Imperius Curse?"

The youth looked thoughtful for a second before launching head first into another tale. "Well, you see, I had this really nasty teacher in my 4th year that used the Imperius curse on us despite it being illegal. He was a servant of Lord Voldemort, no doubt sent to harm me in some way, but I saw through his deception. In fact, his effort to control me was all wasted on my strong will," Harry told the crowd, smiling again as he reached the end of the sentence. "You see, I quickly built up immunity to it and I can safely say that the Imperius Curse does not work on Harry Potter." The crowd once again cheered.

Tofty interrupted him again before he could continue, "That's all well and good Mr. Potter, but how does one counter it?"

"Right, right," Harry said, smiling. "I forgot to mention that, sorry." He began to pace slightly, flashing smiles as he walked past certain girls. "You can easily overcome a well placed Imperius Curse with a strong will of mind. I myself am no willing pushover-" he flashed another charismatic grin "- so the Imperius Curse is wasted on me," Harry finished as the audience clapped once again.

Nodding again, Professor Tofty continued on with the next part of the question, "Very well Mr. Potter. Now, the Cruciatus Curse if you could."

The Gryffindor boy gave a sad smile. "I must say that I've had the displeasure of being on the receiving end of the Cruciatus Curse more than a few times. Nasty little bugger that curse is," he continued in a slightly mournful tone. More sympathetic looks were offered to him by his fans.

"However," he began again, back to his usual demeanor, "I made sure that evil Dark Witch or Wizard that I saw use such a foul and illegal curse was captured and sent straight to Azkaban! I believe yours truly holds the record for most Dark Wizards captured and incarcerated." He bowed slightly as the group cheered happily, applauding him.

"Your answer is, then, Mr. Potter?" Tofty shouted over the deafening sound the applause.

Harry chuckled with a grin, "Well, getting hit by a pain curse is enough to ruin anyone's good mood and looks, so I'd say the best method is to just avoid it or block it with a strong shield charm as I demonstrated earlier."

"I wonder what those Death Eaters thought when they saw him block all their dark curses with such a pretty shield," Hannah Abbott said, whispering to Susan Bones. Both girls flushed pink, which caused Ernie MacMillan to roll his eyes and sigh heavily.

"Honestly, why do all you girls fuss over him?" Ernie asked irritably. He was quite sick of seeing seemingly every female, both young and old, flush, giggle and try to woo Harry Potter. "I know he's _the_ Harry Potter and all, but really…" He threw his hands up in the air and stalked off when he realized that both Susan and Hannah were too busy staring dreamily and hanging on Harry Potter's every word to listen to his rant.

"No need to say it in front of everyone, Professor!" Harry began instantly as Professor Tofty had just begun to open his mouth. "It's still quite a sensitive topic among a quite a few," he explained, gesturing to the audience as if they weren't there. "What you were about to mention is by far the worst curse of all… for which there is no counter, even. You'd better hope you're as adapt at dodging unfriendly curses and hexes as I am, or you might end up with one of these," he finished, tapping his scar with a finger and winking to the elderly professor.

"I… erm… ok, thank you Mr. Potter. That is all for that question," Professor Tofty replied, rather at a loss for words at the boy's last statement. "The next question deals with what I would call your specialty," he said with a smile and nod. "Mr. Potter, could you please perform a Patronus Charm? Given that the Dementors flooded to The Dark Lord's side during the last few years and many people learned the charm, we at the examination board figured it would be wise to test and see how many students could actually cast it."

Harry chuckled again and smiled around the room. "I am sure many of you know already that I can cast one of the best Patronus Charms in the Wizarding World." He continued after many people nodded and urged him to continue. "In fact," he began again, "I was able to cast a… -" he glanced around the room and smiled as he caught sight of Susan Bones, who's face turned a bright pink as Harry winked at her "- _corporeal_ Patronus at the age of 13. Now, this is definitely not an easy feat, but I had to learn it since the Dementors particularly liked to come after me. They probably sensed that I was a strong opponent, and one that wouldn't be easily over come either." He glanced around the room cautiously as if he expected a crowd of Dementors to jump him at any moment. "Of course they had their own ways of being difficult. They came in huge swarms-" he waved his arms around in the air, imitating a large crowd of Dementors swooping down on him "- and my Godfather, Hermione and I were in a seriously pickle. Luckily, I had an ace up my sleeve. Something the Dementors didn't expect."

Hermione's jaw was hanging in awe at the re-telling of one of the most frightening moments of her life. Though she had actually been there in the middle of the heart stopping moment, the way Harry told it made her heart skip a beat again. "It was lucky you were there, Harry," she found herself mumbling out loud.

Harry winked at her and flashed his patented board grin, which caused her cheeks to flush pink. "Luck had nothing to do with it. The Dementors didn't realize that I, at the young and inexperienced age of 13, had mastered the _immensely _complex Patronus Charm which, even today, is considered very advanced magic. I waited until the last second, making sure that all that they were all in close and ready to get a full blast of my power. I quickly performed one of the best Patronus Charms, and that is saying something I tell you, that I have performed to date and sent all the Dementors crawling, or floating rather, back to Azkaban with their robes between their legs." He sighed and took a breath. "Of course they were foolish enough to align themselves with Voldemort even after I had proved to be far superior to them. They tried to get revenge periodically after I had defeated them, but to no avail. I was just too powerful for them."

Before anyone could react, Professor Tofty, who had been waiting for Harry to finish speaking intently, jumped up in front of the assembled group and waved his hands. "Alright! Alright! Mr. Potter, if you could please just perform the charm we will be able to finish this examination sometime before the next school year." Tofty backed down instantly as he caught many threatening glances from many of the girls in Harry's year.

"Ah yes, how could I keep you waiting?" Harry said with a chuckled as he raised his wand again. "_Expecto Patronum_!" he bellowed, causing an enormous silver stag to erupt from the tip of his wand and proceed to prance around the Great Hall, bowing at the students who waved to it.

There was a loud series of "Ooooh's" and "Awwws" as the silver stag continued to show itself off to the crowd as they clapped accordingly.

"Why is it a stag?" Susan Bones asked Harry, finally asking the question everyone wanted to know.

Harry became slightly more subdued at this question, his eyes giving a sad, longing look, but he answered anyways. "Alas, to have a very strong Patronus, you must think of a happy thought. Mine was of the father I never got the chance to know. He was an Animagus, and his form was a stag. So, I feel I honor him in a way by using his form as my Patronus."

His words hung in the air while every female listening wished as if they could rush up and console him. Only one person didn't seem to notice the depressed mood as he stepped forward once again, pushing his way past the Patil twins yet again.

"That's enough, thank you Mr. Potter. Full marks on the excellent deer Patronus," Professor Tofty began without looking up as he scribbled again on his parchment. When he looked up after realizing everyone was silent, he was greeted with a bunch of angry stares. Gulping, he took a step back towards the examiners table and quickly read the next question. "Mr. Potter, the next question deals with dangerous artifacts…"

He was cut off by Harry snapping out of his depressive funk and immediately interrupting the Professor. "Like Tom Riddle's Diary? That was a nasty artifact if I ever saw one," he began with a grin. "Luckily I was smart enough not to believe anything Diary's image tried to tell me."

"No Mr. Potter that's not…" Professor Tofty began again, but was hopelessly droned out by the gasps of the audience and Harry's charismatic and jovial voice.

"Up until the end it tried to manipulate me not knowing that I knew what it was up to the entire time," he said, flashing his broad smile again. "The Diary's image didn't expect anything right up until I destroyed it by stabbing a fang through its middle." He mimicked the stabbing motion with his wand. "

"Where did you get the fang from?" Parvati asked suddenly.

Harry smiled at her, causing her to once again fall victim to a giggling fit. "Well that was the time when I went down to the Chamber of Secr-"

"STOP!" cried Professor Tofty, who surprised even himself with his outburst. "Mr. Potter you didn't let me finish the question. It's about-"

"Deadly skin piercing quills, then?" Harry asked enthusiastically. "I've had some experience with them too, I have to admit," he said holding up his right hand and showing the crowd the back of it. There was still some faintly scarred tissue where, in Harry's fifth year, Umbridge had forced him to write with a quill that tore into his own hand as he wrote.

The crowd gasped, horrified. They had known that Umbridge was cruel and ruthless, but not that extent. They showered Harry with sympathetic looks and sounds, though it was mainly those who admired him.

"Do not worry," Harry told the crowd as he smiled charismatically. "A little murtlap essence and it didn't hurt at all! I must say it was a good choice, and, of course, Dolores Umbridge never got away with it once I decided to track her down and bring her to justice to face charges for her crimes," he continued, inclining his head slightly as the crowd applauded.

"Mr. Potter," Tofty began once again, trying to speak over the roaring applause. "It wasn't on any enchanted quills…"

"Ah! I know! Disguised portkeys! That's happened to me more than once, though the one that was the most difficult to deal with had to have been the first. I had just touched the Triwizard Cup to win the Triwizard Tournament when it activated and took me to a horrible graveyard. You see, regular objects disguised as portkeys was one of Lord Voldemort's favorite tricks. On that specific occasion, poor Cedric Diggory had come along with me by accident and was murdered by Voldemort," he hung his head in mourning slightly, his eyes looking sad, before looking back over his audience. "However, rest assured that his entire family has just received signed copies of my latest book, _Harry Potter - A History_, free of charge."

The crowd, though many of them rubbing tears from their eyes, began to applaud the Gryffindor boy, as Harry himself began to give sweeping bows in response to the applause.

"If only he wasn't a Gryffindor…" sighed Pansy Parkinson, dreamily, as she applauded with tears streaking down her cheeks.

Draco Malfoy snorted. "And _you_ call yourself a _Slytherin_? There is nothing special about Potter at all!" the silver-blonde haired boy said, clearly disgusted. "I mean really, look at him. That styled hair, _lilac_ robes… and clearly he's a little too attracted to Weasley over here," he continued, indicating Ron with a wave of his hand. Unfortunately, he didn't realize how loud he was talking and was hit by around 10 stunners simultaneously before he could even sneer.

"Thank you ladies," Harry commented as he chuckled. Those who had sent spells blushed and smiled his way.

"Well if it wasn't for your teaching we probably wouldn't have known them," Padma commented as her face reddened.

"Ah yes, Dumbledore's Army. One of my most cherished memories. I must say I did have quite a great time teaching you all how to duel like someone of my obvious talent," he said addressing the audience once more. "I'm glad that you've used your talents well," Harry continued, letting his eyes wander over to Draco Malfoy's unconscious form. The girls giggled shyly.

Professor Tofty cleared his throat to get everyone's attention, which surprisingly worked considering how hard he normally had to try. "Thank you very much Mr. Potter. The next question has to deal with Memory Charms, which as you know, can have disastrous uses if not used in moderation by licensed authorities. So…"

Harry cut him off again. "That definitely reminds me of the Defense Arts the Dark Arts professor I had in my second year. Though he was quite a handsome fellow who pretended he knew what he was talking about, he was really just quite adept at Memory Charms. I loathed the way he acted. Flashing smiles to everyone and gaining up support with his good looks and storytelling!" he took a breath before continuing, "When Ron and I were descending into the Chamber of Secrets to rescue poor, sweet Ginny Weasley, Professor Lockhart tried to Memory Charm us." The crowd booed at the mention of Lockhart's name.

"Ugly git that guy is," Lavender muttered under her breath as the Patil twins murmured in agreement.

"Luckily I had gotten him to pick up Ron's broken wand without him having a clue. As he tried to cast a Memory Charm it backfired causing him to lose his entire memory. Normally that would be horrible, but for him it was fitting as he was only a useless pretty boy anyways. He now resides in St. Mungos if you wish to visit him," Harry continued with a grin. "I hear if you write to him now he'll send you a nice autographed picture of himself with joined-up writing. I must say, however, that my autographed pictures are much more pleasant to look at," he finished as he reached under his cloak and took out some autographed photos, which be began to pass around the crowd.

"Alright Mr. Potter, it appears that you have had to dealt with Memory Charms enough at a younger age than all of us. Continuing this question would be a waste of time and-" Tofty checked his watched and gasped "- we definitely do not have much left. The rest of the houses will be here for dinner soon. This has gone on far too long!" he shrieked and quickly looked through the exam to see what the final question was.

Harry smiled sheepishly, "Well my life has been quite action packed."

Tofty frantically read out the final question. "Ok, Mr. Potter, we have something for you to face…" he began before getting cut off once again.

"Oh goody!" Harry began, "Is it a Basilisk? I've already killed one of those. When I was twelve in fact, which probably makes me the youngest slayer of a Basilisk ever. Took a little bit of sword play to take it down, but mainly I was playing with it to see if I could get a fang from it as a trophy." He flashed a smile at his audience and mimicked his fight with the Basilisk by slashing and poking the air with his wand.

"That must have been nearly impossible!" exclaimed Lavender, who was gripping Parvati's arm in fright.

Harry smiled at the girl, "Well it was actually more difficult than that," he said thoughtfully. "You see, the Basilisk's look is fatal. I hate to fight it as though I was blind-folded. Now that was a little tricky, but nothing I couldn't handle." He smiled again as he sheathed his 'sword' back into his cloak.

"Erm, Harry?" Hermione asked timidly. "Wasn't Fawkes involved in that battle?"

Harry smiled at his friend, causing her cheeks to redden. "Ah yes, how could I forget Fawkes? You see, my loyalty to Hogwarts summoned Fawkes the Phoenix to aid me in my task. It sat perched high above and sang a wonderful song that kept my spirits up for the task of slaying Slytherin's monster." As he spoke a flash of golden light blinded the audience as Fawkes himself appeared, sitting on Harry's shoulder.

The girls swooned over the golden-red bird and began to line up to stroke it.

"Wow Harry, Phoenixes are extremely rare!" Hermione exclaimed, fascinated that Harry had been able to summon the Phoenix.

Harry chuckled, "I have always had a way of befriending the rarest creatures around…" he let his voice trail off as the Phoenix trilled along happily while it was stroked.

"No, it's not a Basilisk…" Professor Tofty tried again, but sighed as the Gryffindor boy began speaking almost instantly again.

"Must be a dragon then, but alas you are too late again! I faced one of those in the first round of the Triwizard tournament, which of course I won with ease."

"It was great flying, Harry!" called a girl from far side of the Great Hall as the giant wooden doors banged open as the some sixth years entered. Ginny Weasley ran up to the group with Luna Lovegood in tow and pushed her way through the crowd.

Harry chuckled again, "Ah there you are, I was wondering where you were," he said obviously oblivious to the fact he was taking his exams.

Ginny blushed, "Well you getting past the dragon by flying was definitely the most entertaining part we saw of the entire tournament."

Ernie MacMillan looked as if he was about to object, but he glanced over at Draco's unmoving body and decided to keep his comment to himself. He gulped.

"Flying is definitely one of my more favorite activities," Harry said as he held out his wand. "_Accio Firebolt_!" he cried. It took only around thirty seconds before he had his Firebolt in hand. "Such a beautiful gift from my late godfather. It's saved my life quite a few times, and won the Quidditch Cup for Gryffindor six years running," he added with a wink as he let the broom float a few feet of the ground. He sat down sideways on it, letting his feet swing an inch from the floor. He smiled, "The poor Hungarian Horntail stood no chance against me while I was riding this." He patted the handle of the broom.

"Did you really expect we'd have a dragon for you to face?" asked Professor Tofty, shocked.

Harry smiled, "No, I think that would have been a little too easy for this level of exam. I bet it's Acromantula!"

Tofty shook his head and gave another exasperated sigh. "No…"

"Well, that's a good thing then," Harry chuckled. "I managed to enter an entire colony of them, successfully bargain with their leader and then walk out all in my second year. If memory serves poor Ron was rather scared during the whole ordeal and I ended up carrying him out, but anything to save a friend." He flashed another patented smile.

"I told you there were rare creatures in Britain that no one could find!" Luna said rather hotly, which was unusual given her normal dreamy nature. "Tell them about the Aquavarius Maggots we saw in the Department of Mysteries, Harry."

"There are no such things!" Hermione snapped.

"There are too! Just because you don't want to admit it doesn't mean they aren't there!" Luna replied in an equally angered tone.

"There are not!" Hermione replied again before Harry intervened.

"Now, now, Hermione dear. While it is true we never saw any Aquavarius Maggots in the Department of Mysteries, there was that amazing discovery of the Crumple-Horned Snorkacks that I made during the summer between my fifth and sixth years. They were thought not to exist until I tracked them down." Harry said as he physically stepped between both Luna and Hermione to calm them down.

"My father and I were quite pleased as were The Quibbler's subscribers," Luna nodded, back to her dreamy state.

"Oh, right!" Harry began just as Professor Tofty opened his mouth. "It has to be those Blast-Ended Skrewts. They were slightly more difficult to handle the Acromantula mainly because they were cross-bred with Fire Crabs. Naturally I had to face some during the third task of the Triwizard Tournament. While my complete history of dealing with the Skrewts is in my published works, I can tell you all that the one I met I stopped dead in my tracks. It seemed to be frozen in place and dared not attack me."

"They were pretty nasty," the Patil twins agreed as the entire crowd of students murmured their agreement as they remembered Care of Magical Creatures in their earlier years.

"Now I know what you're all thinking, but you should be thankful that Hagrid never made us study Vampires. Of course I had to deal with more than a few of them last year myself. They're a pretty nasty bunch themselves. A little tip to you all, always carry around some garlic with you. That was probably the only thing Professor Quirrell ever taught me." He flashed a grin. "Though, some vampires are ok of course. Just like werewolves."

Ron gave a sheepish grin. "Moony was definitely more than alright," he said.

Harry nodded, "Thankfully he was the only werewolf I ever came across. Now then. None of those?" he asked Professor Tofty with a grin. "I'm pretty sure I've faced it!"

Tofty shook his head.

"Centaurs? Weird star-gazers they are, though they're the real thing. It's a shame that they aren't friendlier because I've had numerous encounters with them. I even discussed the Prophecy with one of them, though all they kept doing was talking about Mars."

Even Hermione was rather shocked at this information, since she didn't know that Harry had asked Firenze for help after learning there was a Prophecy.

"Though," he continued, smiling now, "Dolores Umbridge certainly learned why Centaurs are quite fearsome adversaries when provoked." He winked at the crowd as they laughed. Even now Umbridge really wasn't a favorite at Hogwarts.

"Of course the other creature you have to be watchful of is the mer-folk, but I suppose Ron and Hermione can fill you in on that later as all I did was merely rescued them all and still won the task," he said, beaming as Ron and Hermione blushed as people began turning to them and asking questions.

"POTTER!" Professor Tofty screamed at the top of his lungs. "It is dueling! You must duel an Auror!" he spat out quickly before the boy had a chance to continue speaking. "There are now deadly creatures involved in this examination!"

"Oh goody! Dueling! Well I must say I've gotten quite good at that over the last few years, what with taking on the Death Eaters and all. There were a few good battles, mind you, such as those were I captured all three Lestranges and then the time I managed to duel Lucius Malfoy and around five others single-handedly and won." Harry replied, flashing a smile.

The audience looked enthralled. Though Harry had told his story of his battles against the Death Eaters many times, it was always a great story to hear.

Professor Tofty began to turn around, "Dawlish, if you would please," but he noticed no one was there. "Dawlish?" he asked more loudly as he looked around the Great Hall for the Auror. He spotted Dawlish darting through the giant doors and out of the room as quick as he could. He sighed and turned back to Harry. "I suppose we'll just assume you passed that one with flying colors."

Harry grinned. "It's no trouble Professor, but I was hoping to have another good duel. Since I defeated Voldemort a few weeks ago no one has dared challenge me to even a friendly duel."

Everyone gasped collectively. Despite knowing all about his battles with Bellatrix Lestrange, Lucius Malfoy and the rest of Voldemort's Death Eaters, no one had ever learned how he had defeated the Dark Lord himself. The eagerly urged him to continue the story.

Harry was happy to oblige them as he flashed them a broad grin. "Well you see, as many of you know I was just eating some lunch when I was seemingly just vanished and didn't return for some time. Someone inside Hogwarts that supported Voldemort had turned my fork into a Portkey, you see. I had just grabbed an apple when I accidentally leaned on my fork, which transported to me Voldemort's lair."

The audience hung on us every word and for once the Great Hall was entirely silent.

"H… how did you beat him then?" asked Ginny nervously. Not even Harry's closest friends knew what had transpired between Harry and Voldemort after that had happened.

"Well you see," Harry said with a somber look, "it appears that Voldemort was allergic to apples." He shook his head sadly, "alas it was a fatal allergy." He grinned again as the crowd began to clap and cheer.

"Amazing!" exclaimed Neville proudly.

"We all knew you could do it, Harry!" chimed in Lavender and the Patil twins.

"Just one more question!" Ginny said excitedly as everyone began to quiet down and look at her with confused glances. "Boxers or briefs?" she asked with a straight face.

"GINNY! THAT'S PERSONAL!" exclaimed Ron, shocked at his younger sister.

Harry however merely chuckled. "Don't you remember, Ginny dear?" he replied making her face turn a deep crimson as all the girls began to give her cold glances.

"Wha…?" Ron said, turning the glare at Harry with his eyes wide in surprise. "You didn't…"

"Boxers," Hermione said in audible whisper.

"HERMIONE!" Ron yelled, turning to face his girlfriend, his ears now a bright red.

All the girls glared at Hermione and Ginny while Hermione herself and Ron began to argue loudly.

"And that," Harry said, "is how I avenged my Ginny's childhood trauma over that git."

The girls blinked. "_Your_ Ginny?" they asked in unison.

Harry blinked now and spoke slowly in case they didn't understand, "Yes, we're engaged. Didn't you know?"

The girls blinked again. Then, at once, there was a series of ripping sounds as collectively the audience began to tear the signed photos of Harry in half and throw them to the ground. There was then a loud stampede towards the door as Lavender took the flower out of her hair and stepped on it in rebellion.

The loud doors banged shut, leaving Harry, Ginny and the still arguing Ron and Hermione alone in the Great Hall with Professor Tofty and Draco Malfoy's stunned body, which appeared to have been badly trampled during the mass exodus just a few seconds earlier.

"Well Mr. Potter, I think it's safe to say you passed," Tofty said with an amused smile on his face.

* * *

A/N - The whole apple allergydefeating Voldemortwas 100 percent Chris' (LunarExcalibur) idea. I found it quite humorous so it was used. Thanks Chris. 


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